Getting Bad Sex Out Into The Open
Bad sex should never be kept as a secret. So many couples just stay quiet, fear abandonment or rejection if they talk about the sex they have with their partner, especially if the sex is not good for them. There is no way this should be kept secret, it is the kind of secret that can ruin relationships when it is kept in the closet. It is a problem that must be dealt with so that couples can grow more in love, enjoy life, and have some fun along the way. Sex is one of the ways adults play, as well as grow together in love and intimacy.
While discussing “sex” might make some people uncomfortable, especially if the sex is not good. There are positive ways to deal with the subject. Just realizing that the sex is bad, will entail some recovery time. It is not at the time that the act is happening that we realise it is bad, this is generally afterwards, and follows the afterglow.
Most people tend to over-analyse sexual speed-bumps, fume, obsess, and mull over and over again what did or didn’t happen for them. More often than not both partners are thinking along the same lines. But how does one get past this? This is the million dollar question. The truth of the matter is that it is good to talk about it, there are many experts that can be consulted, as wells as tons of reading, and video material available on the Internet. Ignoring this elephant in the (bed)room won’t make it go away.
It is very important not to panic, virtually everyone who has experienced sex, has had both good and bad experiences. It is best to forget the flops, and try to move on. What we are looking for is stress- free sex that is fun, fun, fun.
There are number of examples of situations that could be grouped together as “bad sex”. For example when his block-and-tackle fails. There is a common cultural presumption that all men are simple sex-machines, with fully charged batteries, and they are always ready to go. This is untrue, they suffer from erectile issues that could be caused by stage fright, a hangover, exhaustion, or any other number of temporary reasons. Erectile dysfunction is a completely different issue, and this is not the correct platform to address it.
If you are with a guy whose tackle fails it is common for a women to blame herself. “I am not sexy enough”, “he is seeing someone else”, “I’m bad in bed”, are all common female self-blaming thoughts. More commonly however he is afraid of not impressing you, and imbibing too much liquid courage certainly doesn’t help. No matter how embarrassing the subject may be, the couple needs to discuss it, or chances are that a repeat performance could take place. Be gentle, and take the pressure off.
Another common issue that is often not up for discussion is female orgasm. And when the lady’s gear doesn’t work, and she is exposed as an orgasm faker, this causes pretty big problems. It is the male partner’s turn to feel inadequate, after becoming suspicious and busting the gal. Generally speaking most girls fess up after a few admirable performances, but this is not such a bad thing, as obviously the couple is talking about it. Far too much emphasis is placed on the importance of orgasm, but faking it is going a little too far.
The subject of sex needs to be talked about with both humility and respect. Partners need to share what they need with their significant other without laying blame, and in a way that each of them understands. There is no right or wrong ways of having sex, every single person has individual needs.